He asked me if i could,
I told him i would,
but why not now ?
What was missing?
The reason? The urge? The wounds?
Am i afraid to quit?
Yet again he asked me,
yet again I answered I would,
he said, better not.
This world accepts metamorphosis, not changes.
And then she asked if I could,
I answered i would,
But now there was a tear,
of no reason, no fear.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
Senators And The Senate House
Today, I thought it would be the most memorable day. The 150th year celebrations were on in the most sought after university in Madras. The " Mother of all universities " was how it was referred to. May be it was a pun intended, Mother, a person who makes us instantly sleep and I guess that’s what the students affiliated to the university do and the so called lecturers catalyze our serotonin levels that induce sleep!
The most anticipated event of today was the talk by our President. But, the President had to anticipate his turn first! The first citizen of the country was the last person to address the gathering! Our president had to endure through 2 hours and 30 mins of Tamil and Tamil Nadu politics before he could rightfully belong to his citizens, WE.
We were a large group of say nearly 700 students from various institutions and we were given a taste of politics and the beautiful Tamil "uraiaadal" of the eminent scholarly and Honorable ministers.
What is the purpose of a language? Is it to communicate or is it to change us into fanatics and never adopt any other language? When I returned from the 18th International Conference of Nobel Laureates, held at Germany, there was a meeting hosted by the Indian Government with the Minister of Science and Technology. A participant in our group started to speak in Hindi. The explanation he gave, " I find that the Germans have advanced in everything because they never speak anything else that their mother tongue. Therefore, we can also advance by speaking only in our mother tongue". Is this a statement of jealousy or ego ? In a country where there are 18 languages, is this a possible way towards development? The ultimate aim is to develop our country. Is there a question of language in this? When English is serving as a cross platform access, why is this ego playing?
Well, the brief introduction about the language war is a preface to the following passage !
The function began with the speech of the current vice chancellor in English. It was good, to the point and apt to the occasion. Then came the first Tamil speaker. Sorry for not remembering his political status. We are in Tamil Nadu and hence Tamil. Ok. But in a occasion like this, where the majority of the participants are scholars and students and some Central Government ministers, why Tamil is my question. Well, he could have completely spoke in Tamil, but there was this beautiful statement in English. " Thanks to the revulsion in IT industry " Revulsion in the IT industry!!!!? Since the purpose of language is to communicate and make understand, you are supposed to understand it as Revolution!
The next minister, " Colleges function in shipt system" . The word shift was changed to Shipt and it just sounded like Shit !
Ok, here comes the first best one. The speech by the Minister of Rural development ( state ). He inaugurated the Digital library and spoke thus ( In Tamil ) : " Libraries are important. All colleges have libraries. Students utilize the library. Students must utilize the library. Since libraries contain many books and hence they can be termed as Book store house. Scholars use the library. The fact that APJ kalam has used the library made him president. Libraries decide the fate of Tamil Nadu." Judge this speech yourself !!
Next came the speech of the man responsible for India in 1 Rupee. The man who gave internet to the farmers, instead of ides towards better crop cultivation. The words in the left are those which he said for those on the right. But since language is only to make understand, we could get the meaning.
Perumukkal : Perumakkal ( Audience )
Alambam : Aarambam ( Beginning )
Palaikegam : Palkalai kazhagam ( University )
pugzhal mundham : pugzhal mandram ( praising committee )
nootuandu vila : noothruaandu vizha ( 100th year )
Paritalum : Paaratinalum ( to praise )
palbadu : paagubadu ( discrimination )
Long live classical Tamil !
Next was the speech by the father of the minister who spoke on the importance of libraries. This function is a educational function. But his speech was full political and " reserved ". Reservation in education ( Mr Arjun Singh was there in this function and he too spoke ) . Haven’t we had a lot on this already?!! This were his concluding words ( in Tamil ) : " Like how Lord Krishna was supportive for Arjuna in the Kuruksethra war, I will support this 'Arjun' singh for the war on reservation policy." The students are supposed to take this easily and that too, spoken in a education university!!! Is there really a value for your degree certificate or your Caste certificate?
Then at last came our President. His speech lacked the fire. I guess he could not fuel his thoughts due to the very high price of fuel here! It was an ordinary speech. Mostly about his school and college day memories. Expectations shattered. We were asked to submit questions that would be answered by him. But the questions were scrutinized and selected and hand picked by someone. The President will read out the name of the selected person and that person will ask the question. These were the questions asked :
* How can we impart technology education in school?
* What is the importance of women empowerment?
* How to make technology education and moral education go hand in hand?
* How can we control environmental pollution?
* Why is India lagging in sports/Olympics despite its population?
* Why isn't news on technology reaching the farmers?
* In spite of rise in technology, why are medicine prices high in India?
* Why is not India conducting Nano technology research?
All these were hand picked admist questions about the Indian development, the fiscal nature, the current issues, the rocket failures, the reservation, the future of pure science, question on commerce and current scenarios and the response of Indian government to the recently faced problems. These kind of questions were not allowed to be asked.
The ending was most pathetic. Everyone stood up for the National Anthem. It was played in the tape. The president raised his hands and asked everyone to join in. Imagine how reverberating it would have been if all the 1500 in the auditorium sung? And isn’t it how it should be when it comes to the country? Only 10 sang along. The President, a few students and me.
" INDIA " We are forgetting that its OURS.
The most anticipated event of today was the talk by our President. But, the President had to anticipate his turn first! The first citizen of the country was the last person to address the gathering! Our president had to endure through 2 hours and 30 mins of Tamil and Tamil Nadu politics before he could rightfully belong to his citizens, WE.
We were a large group of say nearly 700 students from various institutions and we were given a taste of politics and the beautiful Tamil "uraiaadal" of the eminent scholarly and Honorable ministers.
What is the purpose of a language? Is it to communicate or is it to change us into fanatics and never adopt any other language? When I returned from the 18th International Conference of Nobel Laureates, held at Germany, there was a meeting hosted by the Indian Government with the Minister of Science and Technology. A participant in our group started to speak in Hindi. The explanation he gave, " I find that the Germans have advanced in everything because they never speak anything else that their mother tongue. Therefore, we can also advance by speaking only in our mother tongue". Is this a statement of jealousy or ego ? In a country where there are 18 languages, is this a possible way towards development? The ultimate aim is to develop our country. Is there a question of language in this? When English is serving as a cross platform access, why is this ego playing?
Well, the brief introduction about the language war is a preface to the following passage !
The function began with the speech of the current vice chancellor in English. It was good, to the point and apt to the occasion. Then came the first Tamil speaker. Sorry for not remembering his political status. We are in Tamil Nadu and hence Tamil. Ok. But in a occasion like this, where the majority of the participants are scholars and students and some Central Government ministers, why Tamil is my question. Well, he could have completely spoke in Tamil, but there was this beautiful statement in English. " Thanks to the revulsion in IT industry " Revulsion in the IT industry!!!!? Since the purpose of language is to communicate and make understand, you are supposed to understand it as Revolution!
The next minister, " Colleges function in shipt system" . The word shift was changed to Shipt and it just sounded like Shit !
Ok, here comes the first best one. The speech by the Minister of Rural development ( state ). He inaugurated the Digital library and spoke thus ( In Tamil ) : " Libraries are important. All colleges have libraries. Students utilize the library. Students must utilize the library. Since libraries contain many books and hence they can be termed as Book store house. Scholars use the library. The fact that APJ kalam has used the library made him president. Libraries decide the fate of Tamil Nadu." Judge this speech yourself !!
Next came the speech of the man responsible for India in 1 Rupee. The man who gave internet to the farmers, instead of ides towards better crop cultivation. The words in the left are those which he said for those on the right. But since language is only to make understand, we could get the meaning.
Perumukkal : Perumakkal ( Audience )
Alambam : Aarambam ( Beginning )
Palaikegam : Palkalai kazhagam ( University )
pugzhal mundham : pugzhal mandram ( praising committee )
nootuandu vila : noothruaandu vizha ( 100th year )
Paritalum : Paaratinalum ( to praise )
palbadu : paagubadu ( discrimination )
Long live classical Tamil !
Next was the speech by the father of the minister who spoke on the importance of libraries. This function is a educational function. But his speech was full political and " reserved ". Reservation in education ( Mr Arjun Singh was there in this function and he too spoke ) . Haven’t we had a lot on this already?!! This were his concluding words ( in Tamil ) : " Like how Lord Krishna was supportive for Arjuna in the Kuruksethra war, I will support this 'Arjun' singh for the war on reservation policy." The students are supposed to take this easily and that too, spoken in a education university!!! Is there really a value for your degree certificate or your Caste certificate?
Then at last came our President. His speech lacked the fire. I guess he could not fuel his thoughts due to the very high price of fuel here! It was an ordinary speech. Mostly about his school and college day memories. Expectations shattered. We were asked to submit questions that would be answered by him. But the questions were scrutinized and selected and hand picked by someone. The President will read out the name of the selected person and that person will ask the question. These were the questions asked :
* How can we impart technology education in school?
* What is the importance of women empowerment?
* How to make technology education and moral education go hand in hand?
* How can we control environmental pollution?
* Why is India lagging in sports/Olympics despite its population?
* Why isn't news on technology reaching the farmers?
* In spite of rise in technology, why are medicine prices high in India?
* Why is not India conducting Nano technology research?
All these were hand picked admist questions about the Indian development, the fiscal nature, the current issues, the rocket failures, the reservation, the future of pure science, question on commerce and current scenarios and the response of Indian government to the recently faced problems. These kind of questions were not allowed to be asked.
The ending was most pathetic. Everyone stood up for the National Anthem. It was played in the tape. The president raised his hands and asked everyone to join in. Imagine how reverberating it would have been if all the 1500 in the auditorium sung? And isn’t it how it should be when it comes to the country? Only 10 sang along. The President, a few students and me.
" INDIA " We are forgetting that its OURS.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The chemistry COOK!
My friends always say that i always cook well with the values in the chemistry lab! Though this aspect is not verifiable ( even by my professors!!), you can verify how i cook at home! yesterday, a new recipie struck me and i name it,
PSEUDO PANEER MASALA.
The basic aim is to replace paneer by someother thing so that people on "diet " can relish it without having to worry about the calories. And also, i chose a vegetable that is usually blended in the base in this kind of dishes as the main ingerdient.
Carrot! cut it into cubes and boil it soft. Shred cabbages and boil them soft too. keep them aside and remember to add salt when cooking the carrot and cabbage. Make a fine paste of Tomato, onions and ginger. Add butter to the pan and let it melt. Add a few pieces of cinnamon, elachi and clove to this and saute. Fry cut onions in this butter melt till the aroma elevates you to a few inches above the ground. ( errr... actually till the onions are golden!) Add salt and garam masala and red chilli powder. Now, add the paste of tomato, onion and ginger with a little if water if it is too thick. Let this come to a boil. Now, add the carrot and cabbage to this and close the pan with the flame on simmer. Stir after sometime and add finely minced capsicum ( cut in thin strands for more glamour! ) . Take it off the flame and garnish with fresh corriander and few pieces of cashew.
The boiled carrot is a beautiful substitute for paneer and it tastes awesome ( tested and certified!!) . Goes well with Basmathi rice varities. In the picture, my mom cooked the pudina-basmathi rice and i did this side dish!
Guten Appetite!!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Arvind Sir
When the time comes, let this be the fist one about the Man who is.
He is courage. He is strength. He is what the youth have lost. Arvind sir.
I was in my second year of BSc chemistry. Those were the days of utter carelessness. We had shortage of faculty and hence a lot of free hours. Towards the end of the second year, he entered our department. Average height, athletic, fair and with a lot of beard. His eyes spoke before he did. He was not employed like a faculty, he was a part time staff and handled only Allied chemistry.
Then came the final year BSc and then came to our class, Arvind sir. Physical chemistry, gaseous laws and stuff. He stood before us, we laughed from the last bench. If he shaves, he will look like a kid! What a baby face! Skinny man! Ho... another new faculty, gonna mess up the subject. It was just the usual welcome.
After the class, i sat mesmerized. Well, where has this guy been all these years? It was not a class, not a lecture, not a meeting. It was an experience. The way he brought out the concepts and the way he talked in class, not a single student needed to take notes. It was like energy reaching out to you and getting inside you. After all, it does travel from higher potential to lower potential without strain!
And then i contacted him. Something drew me to him. He accepted my request to train me for IIT and thus began my trip to his house.
I entered his house, there he was, seated on the floor. He looked like Buddha. Radiance emitting was so powerful that you will never feel any hatred in his presence. I asked him, sir, you practice Buddhism? why all these pictures of Lord Buddha here? What he answered that time i cant remember. But he follows no religion, for his religion is mankind, the youth.
I will coach you in chemistry. I will just give you questions, find out the answers and we will discuss them. And i return, i heard you are a flute player, so, teach me flute. I was stunned. Accepted it without any hesitation and the next moment he thrust a few currencies and asked me to get him a flute. Then he brought out his Tabala and played a thaal. After some time of chemistry discussions, he got out his Harmonium and played a raga. I was literally stunned.
In college, his classes were getting better and better. We had this practice of playing table tennis after the college time. One day we were in for a surprise. It was none other than sir, with the TT bat in hand and skillfully smashing the shots across. It took one full year for me to block and return his smash to his own table and till now, no one has won him!!
After a month of the classes, flute and TT, he asked me if i could take classes for the less previliged childen in the slums. I accepted. He made me feel the most wonderful thing. Then i came to know the real Arvind sir.
The MSc from IIT Madras, a part time faculty in our college who taught chemistry the way it must be, a philosopher, who believed that the villages in India are the key to its development. He told me about this Organization. Mother, he had named it. Educating the children from the villages and making them know the value of education and trying to develop the villages was his primary activity. His teaching in college was just his hobby!
Having education networks in over 16 villages, he coaches the students and supports them to pursue their interests. The most unique thing about him is that he gives charge to the youth. He himself, just over 25 years, has over grown all the basic things that attract the youth.
Life and emotions are nothing but chemical surges. The effect of this on the Mind controls the body. The experience of these on the body controls the mind. He had everything in control. His chemicals, his mind and his body. Meditating for hours and a staunch follower of Vipassana, he cannot be shaken by any worldly thing.
His aim, develop the villages, develop the youth, develop the nation. He resigned his job in college and is now full time into his ambition.
I go to his house often. To be frank, he is an addiction to me. It feels great to be with him, to speak to him. We have had endless conflicts about everything. From chemistry to Love. We have spent so much time playing the flute. Never seen someone who can pick up things very fast. He is the most positive force on earth.
To put it very short, the summation of energy, hope and self is him.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Life is worth living
Life starts the way it must,
it goes on the way it does.
People turn when they can,
some turn whenever they can.
For others, its a wild river,
turning whenever it wants.
Many give a discourse,
on how to put life on course.
But what purpose is this force,
makes things little but worse.
sit down and give a try,
find out the real I,
then to places unreachable, you can fly.
What you are is living.
What you want to be is life.
Aferall, life is worth living.
it goes on the way it does.
People turn when they can,
some turn whenever they can.
For others, its a wild river,
turning whenever it wants.
Many give a discourse,
on how to put life on course.
But what purpose is this force,
makes things little but worse.
sit down and give a try,
find out the real I,
then to places unreachable, you can fly.
What you are is living.
What you want to be is life.
Aferall, life is worth living.
WALK BACK, AGAIN
I walked down the road,
plugged my ears with music, cutting off all others
Through the crowd i waded,
each face, meaningless, yet meaningfull.
I just moved on....
why did they exist?
why did i?
why did he stare at me?
why did it run away?
why did she stop?
why were they shouting?
Do i need answers?
I just moved on....
The wind blowing salty, i neared the beach.
with the waves beneath me, i stood.
A toddler learnt to walk, just like i did,
to walk through life.
He played in the sand, vastness unknown.
Should he know it?
The sun sank into the ocean.
I know it will rise again.
I know i will walk back here,
again.
plugged my ears with music, cutting off all others
Through the crowd i waded,
each face, meaningless, yet meaningfull.
I just moved on....
why did they exist?
why did i?
why did he stare at me?
why did it run away?
why did she stop?
why were they shouting?
Do i need answers?
I just moved on....
The wind blowing salty, i neared the beach.
with the waves beneath me, i stood.
A toddler learnt to walk, just like i did,
to walk through life.
He played in the sand, vastness unknown.
Should he know it?
The sun sank into the ocean.
I know it will rise again.
I know i will walk back here,
again.
Friday, October 14, 2005
RIDING TOWARDS THE MOON
Riding towards the moon
There it shone, above everything
The dark sky bore it, with pride.
Hiding behind clouds, majestically mysterious.
I rode towards it, engines roaring,
Heart soaring, hopes brightning
It was like flying, the breeze cutting my face
The faster i rode, the farther it seemed
Gleaming, it mocked at me
" try not what you cannot mortal,
Limited by imagination you are, beyond that I am"
Its radiance seemed to blossom,
Outshadowed desire and passion,
Beauty and limitlless compassion.
The darkness of the night disappeared
From beneath the clouds it reappeared
I realised from where the glow emanated
From deep within myself was the light
Closed my eyes to behold the sight
The tyres of my bike not aground
I knew I would reach it, mortal as I am.....
There it shone, above everything
The dark sky bore it, with pride.
Hiding behind clouds, majestically mysterious.
I rode towards it, engines roaring,
Heart soaring, hopes brightning
It was like flying, the breeze cutting my face
The faster i rode, the farther it seemed
Gleaming, it mocked at me
" try not what you cannot mortal,
Limited by imagination you are, beyond that I am"
Its radiance seemed to blossom,
Outshadowed desire and passion,
Beauty and limitlless compassion.
The darkness of the night disappeared
From beneath the clouds it reappeared
I realised from where the glow emanated
From deep within myself was the light
Closed my eyes to behold the sight
The tyres of my bike not aground
I knew I would reach it, mortal as I am.....
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
UNFOUND LOVE
A quest to understand what love is.....
UNFOUND LOVE
The main plot revolves around a college final year student. The guy
is brilliant and a class topper. People expect a lot from him and he
tries to keep up their expectations.
Throwing light upon his character, he is more of pessimist. Still he
performs. One day, he meets his girl ( or he thinks that he has met
the right girl ). What starts as a mere eye contact between them
blossoms into a deep passion. He becomes mad about that girl. He
thinks that she is her life. He conveys this to her..............
The main motive of the story is show that how love can help and at
the same time destruct....
before proposing to that girl he was 'the guy'.. a never say no
kind. there was a positive aura around him and he used to pass on
his charm to his company... At first he did not think that he was
in love with her. He gave it time and allowed the feeling to grow..
he found out more about her.. her mannerisms, her way of
socialization, her innocence and her candicent smile.. all these
made him more passionate about her.. It was the day when things
started to go out of place.. it was the day he proposed to
her..........
You cannot just go up to a girl and propose just like that.. i think
that anyone would approach only when you see some positive signs
from the other side. Our hero was not a fool. He had noticed that
she did look at him when he was staring at her. She had given him
her candiscent smile whenever she found him staring at her. Over
the telephone too, our hero couldn’t rule out that she wasn’t
interested. As everyone does he collected all possible details about
her (please don’t let your imagination run wild guys..!!). He found
out that she had a brother, a mom and a dad ( Of course.. how
foolish!!). She was a study machine ( as if our hero is not) and she
did not have friends.... (it was the good part, coz she did not also
have a boy friend!!). There was a lot of discussion about the
studies over the telephone between these two. Eventually he became
just mad about her. It was THE DAY when he dialed her number to say
those words... those words that were unspoken... thoughts that were
embedded deep within.. things that were about to change his
life...........
Well, feelings and emotions are dangerous. They can turn the tide around you. After all everyone is human. Emotions, if not reciprocated in the right way can be disastrous. It all started.... He could not contain himself... he tried to... he thought it was just a infatuation. So, he gave it time. He thought he would be able to forget her and all those 'feelings' would end. But, as days grew into weeks, his passion for her grew like the soaring petrol prices in our city. Sleepless nights, restless days, killing evenings and unpleasant mornings became his routine. The only time he found himself happy was when he heard her voice over the phone. He cooked up reasons to call her and just speak... It was then, one fine evening, things began to turn from worse to worst.. it was the evening when he dialed her number with trembling fingers and the hammering of his heart could be heard blocks away. He was filled with hope and expectation...
" hello..., could i speak to...." .." hey how are you? " yeah doing fine..!" so, tell me how was your day? "somewhat ok, went to college, came back tired, slept, trying to study now. Got my internals tomorrow.... so, tell me wassup with you? .... " er... just,,, i want to tell something to you... i ..er.. i am crazy about you... i am just mad about you... i couldn’t restrain myself further...."
"...err...hello ? are you there on the phone? " Apparently she became
speechless. "Hey.. i don’t have any thoughts or feelings of that kind. I
am treating you like how i treat anyone else." " so tell me..did u like
the crossword i designed today?" .... Now there was silence on his end.
He could feel the blood flow in his veins become heavy.. there was a
momentary giddyness..cold fingers and sweating eye brows.. "I dont know
what to talk.. i will call you later." The phone connection became
dead. The receiver was placed on the phone with such a disappointment
that one would think that it would never be picked up again. His
dilated eye could show his love being dissolved in tears of rejection.
The flame in his heart began to flicker.. a dull gloom settled over
him. Why? was the question killing him. He crept under the cozy and
warm bed sheet over his bed... with eyes wide open, he tried to sleep...
One never knows how to start, but as soon as he begins somewhere, the flow continues.
It was the longest night of his life. He thought the time piece had been tampered to run slow. The more he tried not to think about what had happened, the more the reality began to hit him. Was it a dream? did she really reject me? why did she do that? In what way am i not lovable?
aaah... why should she love me? it is her own right, her own freedom... come on sleep.... Unfortunately the former thoughts easily over-rood the later. Finally, before he could think of anything else, he fell asleep....
It was college the next day and there he came. A smile upon his face. He sat down for the class. She came in too... what? she here? Am i dreaming? He rubbed his eyes... then she changed into the professor! There was heavy breathing. I looked upon him and saw the shattered visage of my dear friend. Was he the same dear fellow who used to jump up all the way to college? I knew, i was losing him....
She said no da... what? i screamed in disbelief. i could see tears trying to break the membrane of his eyes...
dont worry da... she will come around.....
It is a common saying that time heals. Time does heal fissures on the earth, but fissures on the heart is impossible. May be it would heal, but not without severe scarring and that scare is enough to bring back the memories you wanted to wipe out.
The more you think you want to forget about it, the more you will keep thinking about it. He wanted to forget her. That was his first impulse. The more he tried, the more her images came to her mind…her smile, her innocent face, her eyes, her talk in his ears and all the time he found himself in her imaginative company. All night he would just be awake, thinking about her. He began to lose weight. Each morsel of food went down reluctantly down his throat. The sweetest music did not appeal to him anymore. The beautiful sunset looked lifeless. The cool breeze that blew, always spurred dust into his eyes… why ? He thought. Why did I meet her. Why did I see her? This question began to kill him.
Lifeless days passed, time was not the medicine for him. He had put extra holes in his belt to hold up his jeans and his lunch box was emptied by his friends. He managed to convince his friends that his change was due to excessive preparation for the entrance examinations and since he was brilliant in class, they didn’t mind him. True, the only thing that kept him going was the subject. He loved it. He had an uncanning ability for mechanisms and maintained his top position easily in class.
I was noticing him. He need not tell me. Sometimes you need not have a genius to solve things, just a friend. I tried uplifting his spirits. We talked hours together about her. He was very strong on her. It is just her, no one else.
He could contain himself no longer again. He called her….” Is this 9….., am I speaking to …” “ hey! How are you? Y no calls “ “ how is college…” She was friendly… After a long time, he smiled…..
Analysis is important. A problem remains a problem when it is not analyzed. A problem solved without analysis, remains only temporarily solved. It is just matter of time that it crops up again. So, he analysed... analysed his thoughts. He thought hard, was he really in love. What is love? He couldnt figure out that love was something different from what he was experiencing. He felt that each and every cell in his body was focused only on her and his veins carried not only blood but also his love for her...and therefore he concluded, he did love her.
" hey... so, tell me how are things moving".. "yeah going on.. my dog was very ill, i am upset over that..and moreover my parrot died..." "oh! sorry to hear that..." "that is all right. so, tell me, how is your prep for entrance exams going on.."
He spoke on for a very long time. He was elated. He felt a new energy within him and he took the decision. I will have her.
"hey, you are my friend right.?!!" "of course i am..y ask this suddenly?" " No.. i need a small help from you" "sure sure...tell me" "well, i proposed to a girl last week and she said no. i am still crazy about her. tell me what should i do " There was silence. A long silence...and then she spoke..." err.. hey .. i dont know.." " hey, come on, you told me you would help me!!"
And so it began with her, he started to share his feelings. And she was a wonderful listener. He spoke for hours and she listened on. He shared everything he had with her..his deepest fears, his ambitions, his emotions and his love. She spoke too, first with reluctance, then with confidence. She shared with him, lesser known things about her.
He had a quiz organised at his college, in which she had to take part ( it was the day i saw her!!). He was preparing questions for that. The previous night, he spoke with her about her passions...and the next day, he set a question about that in the quiz!!! and she thought that he was hinting her about the questions!!
He was soaring up again. His constant conversations with her made him confident. Though she did not hint anything towards a relationship, his love for her strengthened. His renewed energy was strikingly visible. He would sing during class hours and dance in the labs! We felt we were getting him back again....
UNFOUND LOVE
The main plot revolves around a college final year student. The guy
is brilliant and a class topper. People expect a lot from him and he
tries to keep up their expectations.
Throwing light upon his character, he is more of pessimist. Still he
performs. One day, he meets his girl ( or he thinks that he has met
the right girl ). What starts as a mere eye contact between them
blossoms into a deep passion. He becomes mad about that girl. He
thinks that she is her life. He conveys this to her..............
The main motive of the story is show that how love can help and at
the same time destruct....
before proposing to that girl he was 'the guy'.. a never say no
kind. there was a positive aura around him and he used to pass on
his charm to his company... At first he did not think that he was
in love with her. He gave it time and allowed the feeling to grow..
he found out more about her.. her mannerisms, her way of
socialization, her innocence and her candicent smile.. all these
made him more passionate about her.. It was the day when things
started to go out of place.. it was the day he proposed to
her..........
You cannot just go up to a girl and propose just like that.. i think
that anyone would approach only when you see some positive signs
from the other side. Our hero was not a fool. He had noticed that
she did look at him when he was staring at her. She had given him
her candiscent smile whenever she found him staring at her. Over
the telephone too, our hero couldn’t rule out that she wasn’t
interested. As everyone does he collected all possible details about
her (please don’t let your imagination run wild guys..!!). He found
out that she had a brother, a mom and a dad ( Of course.. how
foolish!!). She was a study machine ( as if our hero is not) and she
did not have friends.... (it was the good part, coz she did not also
have a boy friend!!). There was a lot of discussion about the
studies over the telephone between these two. Eventually he became
just mad about her. It was THE DAY when he dialed her number to say
those words... those words that were unspoken... thoughts that were
embedded deep within.. things that were about to change his
life...........
Well, feelings and emotions are dangerous. They can turn the tide around you. After all everyone is human. Emotions, if not reciprocated in the right way can be disastrous. It all started.... He could not contain himself... he tried to... he thought it was just a infatuation. So, he gave it time. He thought he would be able to forget her and all those 'feelings' would end. But, as days grew into weeks, his passion for her grew like the soaring petrol prices in our city. Sleepless nights, restless days, killing evenings and unpleasant mornings became his routine. The only time he found himself happy was when he heard her voice over the phone. He cooked up reasons to call her and just speak... It was then, one fine evening, things began to turn from worse to worst.. it was the evening when he dialed her number with trembling fingers and the hammering of his heart could be heard blocks away. He was filled with hope and expectation...
" hello..., could i speak to...." .." hey how are you? " yeah doing fine..!" so, tell me how was your day? "somewhat ok, went to college, came back tired, slept, trying to study now. Got my internals tomorrow.... so, tell me wassup with you? .... " er... just,,, i want to tell something to you... i ..er.. i am crazy about you... i am just mad about you... i couldn’t restrain myself further...."
"...err...hello ? are you there on the phone? " Apparently she became
speechless. "Hey.. i don’t have any thoughts or feelings of that kind. I
am treating you like how i treat anyone else." " so tell me..did u like
the crossword i designed today?" .... Now there was silence on his end.
He could feel the blood flow in his veins become heavy.. there was a
momentary giddyness..cold fingers and sweating eye brows.. "I dont know
what to talk.. i will call you later." The phone connection became
dead. The receiver was placed on the phone with such a disappointment
that one would think that it would never be picked up again. His
dilated eye could show his love being dissolved in tears of rejection.
The flame in his heart began to flicker.. a dull gloom settled over
him. Why? was the question killing him. He crept under the cozy and
warm bed sheet over his bed... with eyes wide open, he tried to sleep...
One never knows how to start, but as soon as he begins somewhere, the flow continues.
It was the longest night of his life. He thought the time piece had been tampered to run slow. The more he tried not to think about what had happened, the more the reality began to hit him. Was it a dream? did she really reject me? why did she do that? In what way am i not lovable?
aaah... why should she love me? it is her own right, her own freedom... come on sleep.... Unfortunately the former thoughts easily over-rood the later. Finally, before he could think of anything else, he fell asleep....
It was college the next day and there he came. A smile upon his face. He sat down for the class. She came in too... what? she here? Am i dreaming? He rubbed his eyes... then she changed into the professor! There was heavy breathing. I looked upon him and saw the shattered visage of my dear friend. Was he the same dear fellow who used to jump up all the way to college? I knew, i was losing him....
She said no da... what? i screamed in disbelief. i could see tears trying to break the membrane of his eyes...
dont worry da... she will come around.....
It is a common saying that time heals. Time does heal fissures on the earth, but fissures on the heart is impossible. May be it would heal, but not without severe scarring and that scare is enough to bring back the memories you wanted to wipe out.
The more you think you want to forget about it, the more you will keep thinking about it. He wanted to forget her. That was his first impulse. The more he tried, the more her images came to her mind…her smile, her innocent face, her eyes, her talk in his ears and all the time he found himself in her imaginative company. All night he would just be awake, thinking about her. He began to lose weight. Each morsel of food went down reluctantly down his throat. The sweetest music did not appeal to him anymore. The beautiful sunset looked lifeless. The cool breeze that blew, always spurred dust into his eyes… why ? He thought. Why did I meet her. Why did I see her? This question began to kill him.
Lifeless days passed, time was not the medicine for him. He had put extra holes in his belt to hold up his jeans and his lunch box was emptied by his friends. He managed to convince his friends that his change was due to excessive preparation for the entrance examinations and since he was brilliant in class, they didn’t mind him. True, the only thing that kept him going was the subject. He loved it. He had an uncanning ability for mechanisms and maintained his top position easily in class.
I was noticing him. He need not tell me. Sometimes you need not have a genius to solve things, just a friend. I tried uplifting his spirits. We talked hours together about her. He was very strong on her. It is just her, no one else.
He could contain himself no longer again. He called her….” Is this 9….., am I speaking to …” “ hey! How are you? Y no calls “ “ how is college…” She was friendly… After a long time, he smiled…..
Analysis is important. A problem remains a problem when it is not analyzed. A problem solved without analysis, remains only temporarily solved. It is just matter of time that it crops up again. So, he analysed... analysed his thoughts. He thought hard, was he really in love. What is love? He couldnt figure out that love was something different from what he was experiencing. He felt that each and every cell in his body was focused only on her and his veins carried not only blood but also his love for her...and therefore he concluded, he did love her.
" hey... so, tell me how are things moving".. "yeah going on.. my dog was very ill, i am upset over that..and moreover my parrot died..." "oh! sorry to hear that..." "that is all right. so, tell me, how is your prep for entrance exams going on.."
He spoke on for a very long time. He was elated. He felt a new energy within him and he took the decision. I will have her.
"hey, you are my friend right.?!!" "of course i am..y ask this suddenly?" " No.. i need a small help from you" "sure sure...tell me" "well, i proposed to a girl last week and she said no. i am still crazy about her. tell me what should i do " There was silence. A long silence...and then she spoke..." err.. hey .. i dont know.." " hey, come on, you told me you would help me!!"
And so it began with her, he started to share his feelings. And she was a wonderful listener. He spoke for hours and she listened on. He shared everything he had with her..his deepest fears, his ambitions, his emotions and his love. She spoke too, first with reluctance, then with confidence. She shared with him, lesser known things about her.
He had a quiz organised at his college, in which she had to take part ( it was the day i saw her!!). He was preparing questions for that. The previous night, he spoke with her about her passions...and the next day, he set a question about that in the quiz!!! and she thought that he was hinting her about the questions!!
He was soaring up again. His constant conversations with her made him confident. Though she did not hint anything towards a relationship, his love for her strengthened. His renewed energy was strikingly visible. He would sing during class hours and dance in the labs! We felt we were getting him back again....
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Women, Natures reflection
WOMEN NATURES REFLECTION
The breeze hit my face
The fragrance of the evening melted in,
The shade of the sky,
Crimson sun sinking in glory.
Birds in formations, their young
twittering, a few stars twinkling.
There she came,
Silhouetted against these,
Yet the radiance emitted,
Divine azure in her eyes,
Graceful strides, anklets
Singing her glory.
Ye, look upon!
The embodiment of purity,
Chastity, love and mercy.
Oh! Nature's reflection !
The breeze hit my face
The fragrance of the evening melted in,
The shade of the sky,
Crimson sun sinking in glory.
Birds in formations, their young
twittering, a few stars twinkling.
There she came,
Silhouetted against these,
Yet the radiance emitted,
Divine azure in her eyes,
Graceful strides, anklets
Singing her glory.
Ye, look upon!
The embodiment of purity,
Chastity, love and mercy.
Oh! Nature's reflection !
Under the same tree
Under the same tree
It was under the same tree
The days of youth, carefree
Hours of fun, right under the scorching sun
What was there to fear, with many near and dear
A craze inflicting aura, dangerously contagious,
All books lay forgotten, the fun voracious.
It was under the same tree
The bond developed, defying differences
It was under the same tree
Egos clashed, then dissolved
It was under the same tree
dreams became reality, lived through words.....
Rain or storm, it stood, just like us
Rooted from deep within, togetherness
like birds we were, seeking shelter
And the day came, when we needed to part
flew we did, fortunes sought
Under the same tree
I sit now, thinking deep
Would we all flock again, under the same tree……
It was under the same tree
The days of youth, carefree
Hours of fun, right under the scorching sun
What was there to fear, with many near and dear
A craze inflicting aura, dangerously contagious,
All books lay forgotten, the fun voracious.
It was under the same tree
The bond developed, defying differences
It was under the same tree
Egos clashed, then dissolved
It was under the same tree
dreams became reality, lived through words.....
Rain or storm, it stood, just like us
Rooted from deep within, togetherness
like birds we were, seeking shelter
And the day came, when we needed to part
flew we did, fortunes sought
Under the same tree
I sit now, thinking deep
Would we all flock again, under the same tree……
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